August 2011
6 posts
Feeling Like a Hungry Billionare
Food. Fuel of life. Orgasm of the mouth. The focus of activities where your job is to do absolutely nothing. Where I shine. And thrive. Especially when I eat at restaurants. I’m really passionate about the smell of work and cooking, when neither of them include me. It makes me feel like a hungry billionare. As soon as I start cooking, the passion dies completely. A meal made from someone else’...
I Like Having a Virus
I’ve had a lot of great moments in my life, but having a virus is the most pleasurable one, by far. I thought seeing people that aren’t me getting married, and seeing babies that aren’t mine get born, were better. But after experiencing this virus, I don’t give a shit about those people. Because nothing is as good as this. I’m sucked in. It’s like my Heroin. The best part is, I always catch the...
Old People Get a Pass
I’m looking forward to getting old. It’s the good life. Old women look uglier then old men, so they’re all up on your wrinkled nuts. Wearing ripped open Hawaiian shirts every day. Getting cleaned by 30 year old nurses, who are trying to suck my dick for a quick $100,000. Me lieing to them, saying how I’ll put them in the will, telling them they’re capturing my heart, while I bang them daily. Then...
Fighting is Bowing
I am in some self defense class for Jiu Jitsu. I signed up at the beginning of month. It looked kind of badass. To throw people on the ground and start kicking them. But I guess I signed up for the wrong class.
I show up to the first class in a wife beater, and everyone is wearing those kung fu robes, like in the movies. People are bowing to the mat. Bowing to the room. Bowing to the tree...
Obsessive Girls, Failed Escapes, and the Solution
Girls get really obsessive sometimes. Even with a crazy person like me. Even when you literally spit in their face, tell them you have no interest in them, and say “ya” to everything they say, they are still unphased, focused on the prize. Your dick. I found out that its a bad idea to kiss one of these girls the first night you meet them, especially when neither of you are hammered.
The next time...
